News:: Man jerks off on Pornhub to fund the videogame spaceship of his dreams

From the reality-is-stranger-than-fiction department, a guy went on Reddit and confessed that he'd been jerking off and fucking his Fleshlight for cash, a flashlight that hides a rubber vagina from the people that have to live with you. He's getting real money from his 40k-70k viewers for his "solo male performances", which he later converts into digital money to spend on his EVE Online habits.  The headline says it all. 

Admit it: you're judging this man so hard right now. How dare he be so bold? Has he not thought of the consequences? But really, this man is a hero. Hell, you could be dead tomorrow. Hell, you could be dead right now, a husk of a human, a shadow of the vibrant person you once were. Look at your stained shirt. Your bullshit desk job. You're already pathetic, you think you're better than this guy? How cool is your spaceship? Your spaceship probably doesn't even like hyperthrustoids and gamma nurbs. Who the hell are you do judge when this guy has laser squalls bigger than Fanny Delta? Ok, I've never spent more than 20 minutes playing EVE and can't even imagine what this person is spending their money on. Just make pretend you also do and we'll get to the facts.

The shit I've seen doing video games journalism

In his own words, "Tim" says that "relationships weren't working out for him", he confessed in a PC Gamer interview (where that dick-shaped header photo came from, great job). He took a hard look at his assets, if you will, and then the requests started pouring in. People want him to do specific angles, to do tributes, to get artistic. Gay guys and women lining up at his Pornhub channel to see this guy's one man band. 

To be fair, I misled you. He didn't put one and two together at first, the stroke of genius came later. He's only raking in nominal amounts of money in real life, so he LATER decided to become a billionaire in EVE Instead. This means he's dropping $350 at a time for DLC. He's got multiple accounts. He's got the online subscription for those accounts paid for six months out.  He's living the dream. He's got it all right here in this tell-all:

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News:: Fuzzy, impenetrable clip teases new fighter for Nintendo's ARMS

It appears someone brought a 1990's video camera to a recent punch-up on Nintendo's arena-fighter ARMS. The grainy footage appears to show some sort of mysterious new contender, who, it can be assumed will be joining the roster in the near future.

Being completely frank, you can't see shit in this GIF. It may be a teaser, but it's borderline impossible to ascertain the slightest detail. Regardless, fans must be up in arms (sorry) with excitement over the thought of a new combatant, who will be the third DLC character to have hit the game since launch, following previous entrants Max Brass and Lola Pop.

ARMS is available now on Nintendo Switch.

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News:: Microsoft's Black Friday deals include a $189 Xbox One S

News of Black Friday deals are starting to roll out, and Xbox is getting in on the action. Microsoft has announced the slate of deals that will be available on one of the biggest shopping days of the year and they include the lowest price ever on an Xbox One S -- just $189 from November 23rd through the 27th. Presumably, this is for the 500 GB model of the game system, but we've reached out to Microsoft to clarify.

Source: Microsoft

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News:: Witcher 3 mod recreates The Witcher 1's prologue with updated graphics

It's hard to believe that The Witcher is ten years old. Geralt's gone from a gaunt, brooding monster hunter to one of the best, most complex leading characters around in just a decade's time. His journey may be over, but a new Witcher 3 mod allows players to reflect on his past.

Nexus Mods user erxv and a crack team of modders recently released the "Witcher 1 Prologue Remastered," a nifty mod that recreates the first hour of The Witcher in Wild Hunt's engine. It's a blessing for fans who might have missed out on the first game -- it's not a bad game by any means, it's just outdated and cumbersome compared to its predecessors. 

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News:: Xbox One X first week sales hit estimated 80,000 in the UK, top PS4 Pro's 50,000 first week total

A while back, Microsoft stopped sharing hardware sales data for the Xbox One. As far as we know, the Xbox One totals are estimated around 25-30 million, which is about half of Sony's 67.5 million figure. Now that former bit of data is probably outdated as the Xbox One has outsold the PS4 in random months these past few years, but again, because Microsoft isn't giving us hard info, we're sort of in the dark.

The Xbox One X might turn that precedent around though, given its high sales in the UK. According to Gamesindustry.biz through gathered retail data (67,000 confirmed with a weighted 20% accounting for additional sales), the Xbox One X sales have hit an estimated 80,000 in the UK for its first week, which beats out the PS4 Pro's 50,000 total in the same region. Other estimates include the fact that "over 50%" of those sales were from the limited "Scorpio Edition" of the machine, which Microsoft noted was the "fastest selling Xbox to date."

It's a small victory in the long war, but a victory for Microsoft nonetheless.

Xbox One X hits 80,000 UK sales in first week [Gamesindustry.biz]

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News:: Call of Duty: WWII celebrates second week atop the UK Charts

Activision's military shooter sequel, Call of Duty: WWII, is unsurprisingly still sitting pretty in the number one spot of the U.K charts, where it is likely making plans to get comfy for at least a few weeks, given the game's consistent success in the British territory.

Football title FIFA 18 has managed to pull itself back up the division into second place, with Ubisoft's Egyptian adventure Assassin's Creed: Origins holding third. Electronic Arts Need for Speed Payback slammed into a very respectable fourth slot, with Sega's Sonic Forces debuting at number five, despite its negative critical reception.

Football Manager 2018 also managed to sneak into the Top Ten, landing just on the sideline. This isn't a surprise, as the series has always been very popular in the U.K. Recent releases Wolfenstein II: The New Colossus, South Park: The Fractured But Whole and Middle-Earth: Shadow of War are down but not out, each sitting within the Top Twenty, waiting hopefully for holiday carnage.

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News:: Why your favorite indie game may not get a boxed edition

The Entertainment Software Rating Board is not a government entity. In fact, it was created in the 1990s specifically to keep Congress out of the video game industry, at a time when lawmakers were loudly condemning the infusion of digital violence in popular culture. The ESRB was modeled after the film industry's MPAA, doling out ratings for video games in North America. Back in the Clinton era, there were no federal laws requiring publishers to display ratings on their games, and there still aren't today.

The ESRB oversees the entirety of the video game ratings system, from AAA to independent developers and specialty shops like iam8bit, Special Reserve and Limited Run Games (which release physical editions of digital indie titles). This year, the ESRB announced a change to its rating policy that rocked the very foundation of Limited Run Games' business model.

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News:: Stardew Valley might be the first third-party Switch game with video capture capabilities

In case you missed it, Nintendo added in a tiny video capture feature for the Switch, but there's several big catches. Firstly, it only captures 30 seconds of footage, but most importantly, it's limited to a small handful of major first party releases.

That could start changing this month if a Stardew Valley patch that has been submitted to Nintendo goes through though. According to the CEO of Chucklefish, a new update's enhancements include sleep crash fixes, faster saving, sound and UI fixes, and video recording.

While Stardew Valley is a relatively chill sim that doesn't really warrant a lot of "oh man you have to see this" moments (mostly because it consistently delivers the entire time you're playing it), this feature should eventually be native to all Switch games -- so this is a start.

Tiy [Twitter]

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News:: Sonic team doesn't let their memes be dreams: Sanic t-shirt DLC spotted

Ah datamining. The act of sifting through files in a build of a game to find items that might be added as DLC later on, or were otherwise cut. It was always happening, but became more popularized during the era when Capcom locked nearly all their post-launch content on-disc as a means of exposing the practice.

Now someone has sifted through patch 1.01 for Sonic Forces, and found a few remnants that are pretty interesting. For one, there seems to be a "Sanic" t-shirt now with several color schemes, based on the popular MS Paint meme. YouTuber PTKickass also has footage of Super Sonic (not yet unlocked), who seems to be only sporting a slightly modified moveset from the base Sonic kit.

I wonder if a meme shirt and a re-coloring of Sonic that can jump a little higher is basically all they have planned for post-launch support.

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News:: The Morning After: Monday, November 2017

Welcome to your Monday morning. We jumped into the UFC's high-tech battle against fighter injury, how the Pixel 2 delivers silky smooth video and Russia's Twitter influence beyond US politics. And there's a few other things, naturally.

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News:: Final Fantasy XV's Noctis is coming to Tekken 7

Joining Street Fighter's Akuma and The King of Fighters' Geese Howard, and with a pull coming from absolutely nowhere, Final Fantasy XV's Noctis is Tekken 7's third DLC character. 

Not only is his intro trailer the coolest thing ever, it confirms a Final Fantasy XV stage and shows off a bit of what Noctis will bring to Tekken. 

2017 was a good year for fighting games, and with Noctis coming Spring 2018 (and other crazy crossovers happening sometime next year), there's a good chance 2018 will be just as good. 

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News:: Mobile Suit Gundam UC is finally getting a new Blu-ray release

For a second, I felt like I was trapped in a state between a dream and a nightmare. I guess this was due to Right Stuf revealing some new Gundam-related surprises at Anime Nebraskon '17.

The biggest one is Gundam UC/Unicorn receiving another Blu-ray release. From the looks of it, this might be an affordable version of the OVA. Thanks to this announcement, more people will get to watch the installment that revealed the secret behind the Universal Century era's chaos, along with seeing the robot's beautiful Destroyer Mode transformation sequence.

This reveal may not be a surprise, but it's nice that they rescued Gundam 00. To top it off, the entire program (including the film) will make its debut on Blu-ray in North America. If anything, its return to Crunchyroll was a sign of thing to come. Even though the movie, Awakening of the Trailblazer, was weak, the rest of the series was great since the main points were resolved. In a way, it was a better take on Gundam Wing's elements. It helped that we got to learn about the cast's backstory.

While we're on the topic of unexpected things, I'm shocked to hear about Gundam Age crossing the pond. Despite the show being written by Level-5 President and Professor Layton series Writer Akihiro Hino, the program ended up being one of the worst Gundam installments. At least the unit being synched to a machine that creates new gear was a neat idea. If anything, this release might be good for those who wanted to own the show.

In the end, it's good that Right Stuf and Sunrise are still bringing older Gundam shows to North America. At the moment, all three titles are hitting North America in the coming months for Blu-ray and DVD, so we might have to wait until next year. 

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News:: Gale Force Esports are the new Rocket League champions, and there's no question they deserve it

Gale Force Esports proved itself the best in the world at Rocket League. The squad composed of players Kaydop, ViolentPanda, and Turbopolsa has won the Season 4 RLCS World Championship. Over the course of the weekend, their crowning began to feel more and more inevitable.

GFE cruised through the first two days, easily dispatching G2 and Ghost. The finals of the upper bracket as the only time they were truly tested, as Method took them to a deciding seventh game. The Grand Finals featured a rematch with Method which assuaged any doubt that they were the better of the two squads. GFE saved some of its most suffocating play for the Grand Finals as it quickly swept Method in four games.

The two most recent World Championships were most well-known for their dramatic endings. It's a tournament with a double elimination format, and Season 2 and 3 saw a team come up from the lower bracket to force a bracket reset meaning that a second best-of-seven series was played. In both of those, the lower bracket team won two straight series to become the unlikely champions.

This was a less heart-pounding affair. This weekend was mostly defined by the increasing parity between Rocket League squads, proving that nearly anyone stands a chance in any given match. GFE is the exception, as they were completely dominant throughout the entire tournament.

The result comes with a couple of monkeys shed off backs and a slice of history. Both ViolentPanda and Kaydop came up short in previous Grand Finals, and they secured their first championship together. Turbopolsa also became the first player to become a two-time champion. There was also a neat moment after the tournament where Turbopolsa was named tournament MVP, and declined and gave the award to Kaydop.

It was an incredible year for all three players on Gale Force. Turbopolsa had the most RLCS success of anyone ever. Kaydop and ViolentPanda won the NBC Universal Open duos tournament earlier in the summer. Then, they played their best Rocket League of the year right now to become world champions. No team deserved it more and that was certainly evident this weekend.

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News:: Rocket League's biggest stage is the perfect place for this insane shot

.@SquishyMuffinz PLEASE!

Ceiling reset shots are a thing at the World Championship! #RLCSWChttps://t.co/PpKjSDFoZt http://pic.twitter.com/nT9jUPckYQ

— RLCS (@RLCS) November 12, 2017

The Season 4 World Championship of RLCS is nearly over, and some of the best was saved for the last. In the lower bracket finals, Cloud9 player Squishy hit this absolutely nutty shot.

The reason this looks so insane is because his flip comes at the very end of the play. Normally, players jump into the air and then they have a short window to use their second flick. If they don't use it by then, it simply goes away. (However, if you land all four wheels on the ball while it's in the air, you get a flip reset and can flip again.)

But, if you fall off the ceiling, you keep your flip the entire time because it was never used. That's what Squishy did here. He boosted down while controlling the ball, and then front flipped at the very end to lift the ball up and over the netminder. It's quite possibly the best shot in the history of the tournament.

As incredible as it was, Cloud9 still fell short in the series and was defeated in six games by Method. The Grand Finals are taking place right now between Gale Force Esports and Method. You can watch it here. If Gale Force wins, they're champions. If Method wins, the bracket resets and they play a second best-of-seven series. Perfect opportunity for high drama.

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News:: Let's settle this once and for all: Which Pokemon is the best?

We're just a few short days away from the launch of Pokémon Ultra Sun and Ultra Moon, the last two mainline Pokémon games to appear on a dedicated handheld console. Yes this Friday millions of people around the world will be popping in one of the two games and starting what I can only imagine is a 25-hour tutorial where everybody in Alola treats you like a coma patient who just awoke to find out Pokémon are real and ready to battle for your amusement like the sicko you are.

Over the course of however many generations there have been, we've been introduced to more than 700 different Pokémon. Some are good, some bad, one is just a set of keys that made it past quality control somehow. Though I guess Klefki is better than the minstrel show Pokémon. Of course, better than both of those and every other little dogfighter in the series is Delibird.

The Santa Claus Pokémon, I remember when I first caught her on route 217 of Pokémon Platinum. I was nearing the point I would stop playing to move onto another game, but when I saw this bearded bird threw out presents, I kept at it for another few hours. Maybe it was the fact it was the dead of summer and I needed any reason to think cool, but I wanted this little reminder of Christmas in my party.

Was she a liability? Yes, she was. Against the final four, she was utterly useless but I didn’t care. I had five other Pokémon that could carry the weight. She was there just for me and all the sweet TMs I could teach her. So feel free to skip the rest of this dumb list with their dumb answers to "Which Pokémon is the best?" because none of them, and I mean none of them, can hold a candle to Delibird. Not even the Pokémon that is a candle.

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News:: Bunch of $12.59 used games in GameStop's pre-Black Friday sale

Today is the last day of GameStop's Pro Day sale - which is essentially GameStop's early Black Friday sale for their PowerUp Rewards Pro and Elite Pro members. Before you scoff at the sale, there are actually some pretty decent offerings in the mix, including a strong Xbox One S 1TB bundle with over $100 worth of bonuses for $350. While it's a strong offer, we suspect most people that carry a PowerUp Rewards Pro or Pro Elite membership probably have a console already. Other decent stuff in the sale includes $12.99 Mass Effect: Andromeda, $15 Mafia III, and plenty more recent releases at the $29.99 and $39.99 price point.

What's really noteworthy though are the tons of cheap pre-owned games tucked away at GameStop right now, some discounted heavily due to Pro Day sale, and some are simply at a great price thanks to a stacking 16% off coupon code for used games. You'll find Batman: Arkham Knight for $5.87 and a bunch of games priced at $12.59 thanks to the aforementioned coupon. We've listed some of the highlights below and will be adding more titles as we spot them.

GameStop Pro Day Sale

• Main sales page (ends 11/12 tonight)
• List of games on sale (Most deals Pro or Pro Elite required to see full discount)

GameStop Used Game Sale

• Use code: CAG16 for 16% off used games
• Use code: SAVER for free shipping on orders above $25

PS4/3 & Xbox One Used Games

• Marvel vs. Capcom: Infinite (Xbox One, PS4) — $31.91  (list price $60)
• Resident Evil 7 (PS4, Xbox One) — $23.51  (list price $60)
• Final Fantasy XV (Xbox One) — $16.79  (list price $50)
• Zero Escape: Zero Time Dilemma (PS4) — $15.11  (list price $28)
• Bulletstorm: Full Clip Edition (Xbox One, PS4) — $15.11  (list price $30) <- new copies are $15 with Elite Pro/Pro membership
• Call of Duty: Infinite Warfare (Xbox One) — $14.27  (list price $40)
• Call of Duty: Infinite Warfare (PS4) — $12.59  (list price $50)
• Call of Duty: Black Ops III (PS4) — $12.59  (list price $50)
• Grand Kingdom - Pre-owned (PS4) — $12.59  (list price $30)
• Assassin's Creed Syndicate (Xbox One) — $10.91  (list price $30)
• Fallout 4 (PS4) — $10.91  (list price $30)
• Uncharted 4: A Thief's End (PS4) — $8.39  (list price $15)
• Batman: Arkham Knight (PS4) — $5.87  (list price $13)
• Gears of War: Ultimate Edition (Xbox One) — $5.87  (list price $20)
• Killzone: Shadow Fall (PS4) — $4.19  (list price $7)
• Star Wars: Battlefront (PS4) — $5.87  (list price $10)
• Madden NFL 15 (PS4) — $0.83  (list price $3)
• Battlefield 3 (PS3) — $0.83  (list price $3)
• Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 (PS3) — $0.83  (list price $3)

Nintendo Wii U and 3DS Used Games

• Devil's Third (Wii U) — $33.59  (list price $45)
• LEGO City: Undercover (Wii U) — $12.59  (list price $20)
• The Legend of Zelda: Triforce Heroes (Nintendo 3DS) — $12.59  (list price $40)
• Code of Princess (Nintendo 3DS) — $12.59  (list price $18)
• Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Summoner: Soul Hackers (Nintendo 3DS) — $12.59  (list price $18)
• Etrian Mystery Dungeon (Nintendo 3DS) — $12.59  (list price $18)
• Pokemon Rumble Blast (Nintendo 3DS) — $12.59  (list price $18)
• Puzzle & Dragons Z + Puzzle & Dragons: Super Mario Bros. Edition (Nintendo 3DS) — $12.59  (list price $18)
• Langrisser Re: Incarnation - Tensei (Nintendo 3DS) — $12.59  (list price $18)
• Nintendo Selects: Nintendo Land (Wii U) — $0.83  (list price $3)

Game deals from Dealzon. Sales help support Destructoid.

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News:: Who won our Super Nintendo Classic? This guy

[ Update:  Congratulations C.Aalders from Green Bay!  Please check your email :)   Didn't win it? Don't worry, we run contests all the time.  You'll get the next one.  Thanks for reading us! ]

Last week I woke up at the crack of dawn to grab an extra Super Nintendo Classic to give away on Destructoid and, sure enough, I was met with a line of people at every location I went to -- and few shy about their intent to list it on eBay the second they got home. While I have to hand it to these lanky youngsters for their enterprising attitudes, it royally fucks over the fan on a tight budget. Thus, this contest is for you.

Destructoid is giving away a very small Super Nintendo in 2017 in very high demand, a concept that still baffles the mind and puts a smile on my face. It's my favorite childhood system and I want more people to have them. I'll probably continue to give them away until the price returns to sanity.

How to enter: Just tell a friend about our humble blog and you're entered to win. If you're overseas we can't ship you one but you'll get the cash equivalent instead. If I'm lucky we'll also have the imported Super Famicom mini to give away as well next month, because Mystical Ninja was a criminal omission. No purchase necessary, see rules below for more details. The winner will be randomly drawn by the Gleam widget below. Good luck!

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News:: Who is your favorite Video Game Music performer, on stage?

Have you ever watched a video game music performer on stage, in person or via Youtube? Do you have a favorite one? We want to know!

Destructoid is looking the community's top tier picks to invite to our Enthusiast Gaming Expo next March in Toronto. Tell us who has the most impressive stage presence, who melts faces, and who is ... shall we say ... overhyped?  Sound off in the comments below. We're also looking for DJs for the pre-party and the after-party.

I would personally love to see acts like Mega Ran, BitShifter, ABSRDST, Grimecraft, MyKill, YMCK, Dale North, and more.  This is just the list of people I've emailed this morning. Also, if you're a local band near Toronto and want to be at EGLX, get in touch! 

Email me: niero @ eglx dot ca

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News:: Review: Snipperclips: Cut It Out, Together! DLC

I couldn't recommend Snipperclips enough when it launched alongside the Nintendo Switch and, to this day, it's still one of my favorite games for the system. It's creative, lighthearted, approachable, and gives you just enough room to be a nuisance -- all great qualities for a cooperative puzzle-platformer.

If I had anything to complain about, it was that things wrapped up before I was ready to say goodbye. Thankfully and somewhat surprisingly, SFB Games and Nintendo have revisited Snipperclips with DLC that adds two more worlds, three more competitive Blitz games, and an art-creating Stamp mode, along with the ability to play the original levels as randomly-shaped characters. It's a good range of content and so long as you have someone to share it with, this is another hearty recommendation.

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News:: Three games that ditch standard controllers

Last week, I went to the PLAY creative gaming festival, which takes place every year in Hamburg, Germany. PLAY17 was both entertaining and educational, with something for people of all ages, including workshops, talks and even a game-themed poetry slam. The highlight of the long weekend, though, was the exhibition spaces, which were filled to the brim with prototypes and new/recent releases by indie developers and students from all over Europe. I had the opportunity to play most of them, and none of them were disappointing. (Except Snake Pass. Hated the controls.)

I'm not really sure what sort of games I expected beforehand, but I vaguely imagined developers playing around with stories, engines and art styles. I don't think it had popped into my head even once that devs might design their own controllers: as a person coming to games from a consumer perspective, the concept of a game as an exhibition piece, rather than as something in the home or on the go, was completely new to me. So of course, I will now gush about all the shiny new specimens I found at PLAY17 that have their own very special controllers.

This piece involves fire, air and...er...dots.

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